Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Dip, Duck, Dodge, Retire



Most people lose sleep over popular topics such as relationships, jobs, family and health issues. Here I sit, dead tired at 5:23pm on a Monday because I lost sleep last night. Over which of those topics you ask? RJ, is everything ok? Yes. It is. I lost sleep over dodgeball.

For the last 2 years I have played 3 seasons of dodgeball in the West LA Dodgeball League as co-captain of "White Goodman's Package." I will get to the team name later. Last night marked the culmination of my West LA Dodgeball career as we lost in the championship game to our rival: Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner. Before we get to the lost hours of sleep, let's take it back to the beginning.

It all began with my friend Trina (don't worry, none of us can pronounce it). She mentioned that one of her friends heard about an adult dodgeball league. "It would be a fun way to get together on week nights." She proceeded to invite me to be "co-captain" because:
a) I know a lot of people
b) I am "good at organizing things"

Thanks for the homework Trina.

Despite my distaste for homework, I obliged. Tell me which part of the following does not sounds fun: Whipping spongy balls at random people with 19 of your friends. Yes, the game features teams of 20 and is played on a basketball half court. Yes, it's crowded. Yes, it's madness for the first few minutes.

Trina and I proceeded to round up a group of people that included friends, friends-of-friends, and co-workers. Then, the next challenge: what to name our team. All of the obvious signs pointed to naming the team after balls (which would follow juvenile giggling). Some other team names are Blue Balls, Naughty Balls, and Kenny Dodgers (I like that one). However, I decided that we had to name our team after the most ridiculous figure in dodgeball lore: White Goodman...and his package. White Goodman is Ben Stiller's character in Dodgeball: An Underdog Story. His package, is cartoon-esque. We then themed our colors and logo after UPS (get it? packages?) to really capture the essence of delivering packages - aka spongy balls at the other team.

When we showed up for our first game, we had no idea what was in store. People in short shorts, costumes, mustaches, tank tops. It was like an 80's party on a Tuesday without a bartender. Which was odd to me, being from the Midwest. We played our first exhibition match against a team of ragweeds that honestly looked like a group of drop-out teenagers from high school. Two of them had jeans on, one guy that we came to call "beard" had a big temper and a scraggy beard (shocker), and about half of them had those chain belts attached to their wallets. Apparently they were worried about being pick pocketed during a dodgeball game. I studied the game closely over the next few seasons and saw no pick-pocketing. This group of the most uncoordinated looking castoffs absolutely destroyed the WGP debut, beating us 7-0.

The funny thing about that first night was that it completely proved dodgeball as a legitimate sport that requires:
- Strategy
- Teamwork
- Athleticism
- Agility
If that band of alternative teenage wannabe's could play this game, we certainly could. WGP adapted to the game quickly and went on to win back-to-back championships over the next two seasons. The first trophy (The Golden Hen) was claimed after absolutely blowing out that very same band of misfits that destroyed us before we understood what the hell was going on. We won 8-1 and they tried to pick a fight in the parking lot while smoking cigarettes next to an open car trunk. Damn 30-year-old teenagers. The second trophy (The Golden Parakeet) was rounded up after taking down our soon-to-be rivals: Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner.

This bring us to my lost sleep. Season 3 came to a close last night after losing the championship game - a match that was played at The Staples Center (yes, the very same one as the Clippers and Lakers). As a 3-time team captain (with Trina and then THE Dan Frazier), I have played my last game with WGP. I am moving to New York City in 2 months and have come to the realization that dodgeball had became a great part of my weekly life. I certainly never would've done anything on a NBA court in my life, let alone play a fun sport, if it wasn't for dodgeball and WGP. Dodgeball had a funny way of bringing out that competitive spirit that we all loved from our youth. Plus, I was on the court after a Clippers game! That is cool even if the Clippers lost by almost 30 to the Mavericks.

After seasons 1 and 2, I thought I wouldn't play another season. Even during this season I said to Frazier, "This is gonna be my last season." Yet, as I laid in my bed last night, all I could do was think about our loss in the championship game:
"How could we have played differently?"
"Where did we screw up?"
"Why didn't I chose the better side to start?"
"How did I not catch that ball in the 4th game?"

If I lost a few hours of sleep over an adult dodgeball game, I can only begin to imagine what starting pitchers go through after losing a playoff game, or what a College Basketball player goes through after missing a game-winning shot, or what Troy Williamson goes through every day.



At the end of the day, I certainly feel like I am retiring from LA Dodgeball on top. WGP won 2 golds and a silver during my tenure as team captain and we hosted a couple of solid league-wide parties. I leave the team in good hands and am looking forward to hearing about how the team rages on. Like all crusty athletes, I now am stricken to the stands, sipping my beer, eating my nachos, and yelling at my team whenever they F-it up. The joys of being a fan. Hopefully, now I will get some sleep.